The Truth About the Personal Growth Industry
February 10th, 2010 | Manny Goldman
That said, I don’t think James Ray should be considered a con man, or that his entire career in helping people achieve personal and business success should be slammed because of what happened. So, for now, let’s leave Ray himself out of it—whether he was in the wrong is up to the people investigating the case to decide. More than that, it bothers me that an entire industry is being pilloried based on one (admittedly horribly sad) event.
The Personal Growth (also known as Personal Development, Self Help, Self Improvement and more) industry produces overwhelmingly positive and tangible results for a wide array of people, plain and simple.
Take it from me. I grew up in an affluent area, but my parents struggled financially. I couldn’t help attaching my self worth to my parents’ net worth (or lack thereof), and at the same time, started to overeat to compensate for my feelings of inadequacy.
I wasn’t exactly a happy kid, and no one in the medical or education systems seemed to be able to light on the right words (or prescriptions) to help me. I learned later that unlike standard medicine and/or education, Personal Growth encompasses a holistic approach, and deals with root issues of problems, not just symptoms.
As I got older, I got in with the wrong crowd, which for me meant drinking, drugs, and other unhealthy behavior. I was arrested four times before graduating high school, and then ended up dropping out of college to take over my father’s business and start others.
Entrepreneurial spirit aside, the businesses failed, and I found myself hitting rock bottom a short time later. I’d ballooned to 245 pounds, been clinically depressed for more than ten years, and I was $100,000 in debt. At the young age of twenty-four, in addition to failing at all the commercial ventures I’d undertaken, I’d also already failed in six intimate relationships. I even contemplated suicide as the only solution I thought was possible for a world I couldn’t figure out.
Looking back, I realize I was just never given an “owner’s manual” of how to be successful in my life, whether that meant to be healthy, make a decent living, or just to be happy.
I was introduced to Personal Growth by reading about it and hearing about it, and to be honest, I was skeptical. Up until that point, everything I attempted to better my life had failed. But I suppose I felt I had nothing more to lose, and maybe even something to gain. So I made the decision, and signed up for a four-day seminar that promised to unleash my “Power Within.”
Over the course of the seminar’s four days, I learned more about my life than I had in the previous twenty-four years. My transformation began then and there. With the help of the seminar’s instructor, I came up with a plan to turn my life around and stuck to it (with more help from mentors and coaches). In eleven short months, I lost fifty pounds, got myself out of the six-figure debt, began my first lasting and healthy relationship (with my now-wife), and discovered a satisfying and lucrative career path.
The Personal Growth industry has given millions of people from all over the world the same opportunity. It might manifest differently for each and every one of them, because “Personal Growth” can mean a lot of different things. And as my journey demonstrated, it certainly doesn’t just include spiritualism, sweat lodges, or other esoteric practices. In fact, there isn’t much that’s “mystical,” or mystifying, about it.
Though some critics might suggest otherwise, the truth is, we human beings do have the ability to transcend our limitations, be they emotional, physical, or even spiritual. But please—none of us who truly understand Personal Growth is suggesting that only visualization and positive thinking will get you there.
A positive attitude is important, but taking real action is even more important. So at its core, Personal Growth is a synonym for personal responsibility and the understanding that we create our own reality. We are the referee and judge of our own life. We create the meaning and purpose of our life.
Similarly, if we insert ourselves into an environment where somebody is leading us, it’s still imperative that we take charge of ourselves—if Personal Growth teaches anything, it’s that. But of course, there are people who might follow an expert in the field too far and do things that go beyond their core beliefs, values and capabilities.
In other words, extreme elements—and major mistakes—unfortunately show up in just about everything, and I know that what happened in that sweat lodge was a true anomaly in the bigger picture of Personal Growth. To knock down an entire industry that does a lot of good for a lot of people because of one incident is unfair. Instead, let’s keep a positive perspective, and allow people to see for themselves what Personal Growth can do.
What are your thoughts about this industry and movement? Please share your thoughts by leaving a comment below. Thank you
I have been actively pursuing personal growth since 1966. I am committed to programs and processes that work.
Because we are all different, what works for one person may not benefit another. Some people read one book and totally transform their life by following its advice. Others try many paths — seminars, workshops, coaching — and still don’t see any material change.
We are now bombarded with books and movies like “The Secret” — and then follow up programs like “The Missing Secret” and then “Why the Missing Secret didn’t work for you”. This usually leads to selling another course, seminar or workshop.
I am convinced that each of us will eventually find the real answer if we persist. Most likely it will arrive when we become aware of our true essence and can shead all the destructive — even tho well intentioned — programming we have been subjected to during our lifetime.
First off, wow. I love this blog section that you’ve got going. Looks great, wonderful way to communicate. Very impressive Manny.
To the topics at hand, I completely understand people’s outrage over the Ray incident, and condemnation of the entire industry. Makes perfect sense.
If we look at Tony Robbins “Six Human Needs”, the most basic and pressing is the needs for Certainty. For Safety. People kill for Safety. Not just in wars or battles. But we destroy our health, our relationships, and our lives, just to keep things the same. How many times have we health practitioners delivered effective solutions, watched people walk out the door with success, and seen them sabotage it to maintain the security of the life they had before. How many times have we walked out of a seminar transformed, only to regress once we get back to our previous environment. Same thing in relationships. How many people have stayed suffering in misery, cause at least it’s known. It’s common.
There’s a saying that says that any pioneer can only be 15 minutes ahead of the crowd. More than that, and they’re persecuted. When we look back to Robbins again, his first and most important step with every intervention, is Rapport. What does this do? It creates Safety. People think “ah, they’re like me. I feel comfortable with this person. I can trust them and their ideas. Etc.”
What’s the bottom line? The Personal Growth industry has been too far ahead of the crowd, for much of its existence. There’s resistance and condemnation from the culture at large, cause the gap is too wide to cross SAFELY.
See, it doesn’t matter the inherent value of the Personal Growth movement. Obviously, the value is massive. Manny, myself, and many others are living proof.
What matters is that “the customer is always right”. No matter the value of the movement, the resistance to the Personal Growth industry is cultural feedback that MUST be heeded. What the culture at large is saying, is that they don’t feel safe enough to take the next steps.
If we’re really of service, it becomes our job to GAIN RAPPORT and, from that state only, start to move people. Pacing and Leading is the term. Out of our desire to Contribute, it becomes our duty to “speak their language”, to help people feel safe enough to follow our lead.
In an industry that already has so much resistance, a massive blow like the Ray incident only serves as proof to validate the fears of the culture. Right or wrong, doesn’t matter. The culture is speaking their trepidation loud and clear.
What do I mean specifically? I mean that the whole world is suffering. Everybody’s in pain. Silent helplessness and “quiet desperation” are far too much the norm for this world.
Such states require acknowledgment and soothing. Understanding and compassion. These are the tonics. Not massive action. That comes later.
“I know it hurts. This is so horrible. Sometimes it does feel like it’ll never end.” These magic words soothe our pain when we’re suffering, and most of the world is. Talking about the Ultimate Success Formula, or writing a Mission Statement, is completely incompatible with the emotional states that most people are in most of the time.
What I’m saying, is that we need different tools for different jobs. The Personal Growth movement has provided PHENOMENAL tools for Transformation. And it’s lacked the tools that bring us from our suffering, safely to the bring where we must finally make a change. There’s no sustainable bridge to cross that gap from where the culture usually lives, to embracing the dynamic Personal Growth world. Bridge that gap, make billions.
We talk about 4 different Seasons Of Life that we go through. In the Season of Discovery, people start out needing Safety over everything else. The experiences of disconnection, judgement, criticism, and suffering are common. Most of the world, spends most of their lives in these states.
The only tonic in these states is acceptance and acknowledgment. Any attempt to change what we feel, is taken as a betrayal and a violation. Remember, again, the game here is Safety.
It’s only when we reach the brink of our own frustration, when we fundamentally accept the patterns we’ve been living, when we’ve let ourselves down too many times, we’ve finally had ENOUGH, that we can mobilize the energy to start making a change. This marks the entry into the Season Of Transformation.
The Season Of Transform is the place for massive action, for goal setting and accomplishment, for assessment and analyzation. This is where we make our breakthroughs, and if we’re lucky, we finally bring things to resolution, to completion. Not release, not catharis. Resolution. We finish. We’re done.
Clearly the values here are very different. Here we have more of a need for Variety and Growth. For Significance too, proving our worth, proving that we’re enough, proving what we deserve. Just in my writing, you can feel that this is a very different emotional state.
This is the Season where the Personal Growth movement usually resides. But without fully and genuinely going through the Season of Discover, Transformation will always backfire.
It’s important to feel like shit sometimes, because sometimes we feel like shit. It’s important to feel alone and helpless sometimes, because sometimes we do, and that’s what’s real. It’s important to Discover and accept what’s real BEFORE moving into the powerful realms of massive action and Transformation.
What I’m saying, is that the primary lacking element of the Personal Growth movement, is the simple acceptance and acknowledgment of what is, of we really feel, of our true experience. If we’re honest, we’ll find that most of our desires for change are simply a rebellion against pain. But how often does that ever work? Never. There’s always a backfire.
A great quote says “What we don’t express, we’ll repress, until it expresses itself as disease or dysfunction.” Again and again, I’m saying the same thing. Our culture rejects the Personal Growth movement, because the PG movement does not have enough rapport. Our very own personal transformation often collapses in on itself and fails, because we’re usually trying to escape pain, not accept what’s real and grow. We fail to build rapport with ourselves, rejecting what’s real in the process, and deepening our own pain.
While few people discuss this subject, there is great material already available. Visit http://www.wiseworldseminars.com, and find “The Magic Of The Four Sacred Seasons” in the bookstore.
What are the other two Seasons? The spiritual Season of Awaken, the high states of life we all aspire too. Love, contribution, joy, community, etc. These states are only SUSTAINABLE as we accept our truth in the Season of Discover, change our lives in the Season of Transform, and resolve our past, leaving us free to be our spiritual nature in the Season of Awaken. The Season of Integration weaves all three together.
I’ve gone on quite a ride here, at 5am in Singapore. I haven’t gone back to read this or edit, so I hope it’s all come together. If not, ask questions. Thanks for the forum and opportunity to give
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Another great add-on, I really couldn’t have talked about this far better by myself.