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5 Steps To Creating A Happy New Relationship

By Catherine Gordon
Updated January 4, 2015

Whether you’re simply looking to enjoy some romance or are undertaking an earnest search for love, you have more control over your success than you may realize.

Here are five useful steps that you can take if you want to create a happy new relationship.

1) Let Go Of Resentments From Past Relationships

In the wake of a difficult breakup or a painful rejection, many people feel tempted to rush into a brand new relationship in the hopes that it will work as an emotional painkiller.

In practice, however, it isn’t so easy to move on when you are still grieving the loss of a past love.

As difficult as it may seem, you need to take some time to process, understand and move on from your past experiences before you attempt to bond with someone new.

There are many different ways to work on letting go of the past. For example, you might want to start keeping a cathartic journal of your most honest and private thoughts, or you may find it easier to talk to a therapist about your feelings of confusion and anger.

The key is to find something that helps you to come to terms with what you have experienced, and helps you to see how you might avoid repeating past mistakes. When you feel like you can take an objective look at former relationships and feel as though you have really learned something from them, you are ready to move on.

2) Put Clear Boundaries In Place

Before you start looking for a new partner, give some serious thought to your priorities.

What do you most appreciate in people? Do you need someone who is particularly ambitious, or is it more important to you to be able to laugh with your partner?

Build up a rough picture of the standard that a partner would need to meet in order to make you happy, and hold potential suitors to this standard.

Be realistic about what is attainable, but don’t sell yourself short.

It’s also very important to consider the type of commitment you’re looking for. No matter how attractive someone is to you, a relationship will lead to nothing but heartbreak if you’re shopping for a spouse while your partner is just looking for a few months of fun.

Similarly, it’s good to avoid dating someone who is clearly looking to spend a lot of time with a partner if you’re more interest in seeing someone casually and for a couple of nights each week.

3) Use All Available Resources

If you’ve only ever tried meeting friends of friends or going to bars and instigating conversations with attractive strangers, try branching out into the world of online dating.

There are hundreds of different sites available, and many of them do not charge joining fees. In addition, plenty of dating sites target specific living areas, while others will market themselves as being exclusively associated with serious or casual dating.

Further, don’t forget there may be singles nights or events in your town. To make these types of social gatherings less daunting, try coaxing a friend into accompanying you. As well as pursuing blatant avenues, you can also think about just spending more time meeting new people in general.

While a yoga class or an art course will be useful and interesting in its own right, you might also meet a like-minded person who accepts an invitation for dinner or drinks.

4) Be Open-Minded

Even though it’s extremely helpful to have deal-breakers in mind and to build up a clear picture of the type of relationship that you want, try not to prejudge people that you meet.

If you get a sense that someone might not be a good match, spending a couple of hours on a date could prove you wrong. After all, most people have friends or colleagues who didn’t make such a great impression at the first meeting!

Try to give people a chance to click with you, but be clear and firm if you decide that there is no romantic spark or appropriate connection.

5) Be Genuine

Finally, finding a happy new relationship depends in part on putting yourself into that relationship. Although it’s natural to want to put your best self forward on a first date, you should also do your best to let your unique characteristics shine through.

Pin It Don’t be fake for the sake of attracting someone or suppress your sense of humor; ultimately, someone who truly likes the real you will be far more likely to help you create a lasting, happy relationship.

If something about you doesn’t gel with another person, it’s best to find that out sooner rather than later.

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Table Of Contents

Katherine Hurst
By Catherine Gordon
Catherine Gordon (PhD) has a background teaching and researching analytic philosophy. She is also a practising therapist who works with individuals and couples on issues relating to relationship difficulties, emotional well-being and self-improvement.

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